Hotel Bel-Air / Dorchester will not stone you

Topic created by PJ
on Mon, 28 Apr 2014 at 11:12

PJ said on Mon, 28 Apr 2014 at 11:12...

Brunei, who owns these places, has enacted some new laws:

the stoning of gay people
severing of limbs for theft
stoning to death of adulterers
flogging for abortion.

In what must be the most pathetic piece of PR in history, the head honcho says:

"The laws that exist in other countries outside where Dorchester Collection operates do not affect the policies that govern how we run our hotels.”

So if you are thinking of staying there for a bit of ex-marital you won't risk getting flogged after breakfast. Nick the towels? No chance of leaving legless. Nice. Shame that the subjects of Brunei don't have the same liberty. Stephen Fry, Ellen DeGeneres have started the boycott...

KofH said on Mon, 28 Apr 2014 at 14:15...

I was thinking of staying there next week! either there or Mother Clap's B&B in Holborn. I'll cancel, thanks.

Jako said on Mon, 28 Apr 2014 at 20:03...

I know an hotel in Salford like that.

Maureen said on Tue, 29 Apr 2014 at 08:41...

Nobody is at liberty to steal towels (or fill the whiskey bottles in the mini bar with cold tea etc) True they won't chop your bits of but some places make an awful scene.

PS. The Dorchester have a restaurant called The Spatisserie: kindly note the dress code ranges from normal day wear to dressing robes, on offer; bite size cakes, biscuits and pastries, savoury nibbles. I would like to go there with Jako.

KofH said on Tue, 29 Apr 2014 at 18:16...

some of those fridge bars have weights...so you pick up a bottle of water (v.expensive) and zap you are charged. they always have bloody toblerone as well!

Jako said on Tue, 29 Apr 2014 at 20:31...

What colour will you be wearing for a meat?

Maureen said on Wed, 30 Apr 2014 at 13:48...

leopard skin hot pants,pink blouson, blue rinse hair

Tosser del Mar said on Wed, 30 Apr 2014 at 16:25...

It's Miss Cupid Stunt!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxf8Sf_Hyk4

U may get some bother from security if you hang round the lobby ;-)

Jako said on Wed, 30 Apr 2014 at 20:20...

Don' t worry Tosser were going in through the back-door - in the best possibly taste.

Tosser del Mar said on Wed, 30 Apr 2014 at 21:49...

lol

Maureen said on Sat, 3 May 2014 at 13:57...

Nobody is taking me up the back passage at the Dorchester!

The Dorchester dress code is ‘smart casual’ and we respectfully ask guests visiting the hotel to refrain from wearing baseball caps, beanie hats, ripped jeans, sportswear, trainers, flip-flops and shorts in our restaurants and bars.

My Vivienne Westwood style of boho chic will be perfect, I promise not to rip Jako's jeans in the limousine.

Mechanic said on Mon, 18 Aug 2014 at 18:07...

It's big, strong men like me that bend over the pompus, gutless, hide behind my money pussies described above and deliver them to their own natural end of find their head up their own assdom.

mundy said on Tue, 6 Jan 2015 at 16:42...

i love it when people talk like this! it makes me want to reach for my bottle of poppers and play with me onions. I would like some verbal from a cowboy in a pair of chaps, a big hat and boots, and nothing else. I wanna get lassoed.

Rodney "Tricky Sleeves" Cartier said on Tue, 1 Dec 2015 at 18:10...

Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee ‘INTIMATE MAGIC SHOW’

Nov 26th Hanger Farm Arts Centre, Southampton

As far as I am concerned this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am glad that Southampton is firmly on the cultural map at last!

I have been a fan of Paul and Debbie ever since Ali Bongo stopped performing. I appreciate the art of a true professional.

I will be performing as usual in the Thornhill area during the festive season. When you watch my performance you should leave behind a small appreciation - that does not include phlegm, empty beer cans, or abusive remarks about my weight.

Still available for all dates in December for office parties, old people's homes, hen parties, motivational events etc. Book early to avoid disappointment.

Steve and Francine said on Wed, 9 Dec 2015 at 13:33...

We had Rodney "Tricky Sleeves'" Cartier at our wedding. This guy also uses the nom de plume Benny St Laurent and Frank de Gucci. The tricks were awful and involved a lot of touching, he also has coughing fits. My mother in law was very upset when he produced a pack of condoms from her cleavage, totally inappropriate :-( I should also mention that he helped himself generously to the buffet, got tipsy, and made a VERY crude remark to one of the bridesmaids. We heard later that he had been promoting time-share investments to our guests.

Rodney "Tricky Sleeves" Cartier said on Fri, 1 Jan 2016 at 09:37...

I am sorry to hear that you were not satisfied with the high class entertainment that I provided at your wedding celebration. Here are some points that you fail to mention:

1. Benny St Laurent and Frank de Gucci are in fact glove puppets and form part of my act. They offer an amusing and informative satirical dialogue on consumerism.

2. The bridesmaid that you refer to, Kylie I think? Made a remark about my trousers (which had ripped after I fell down - due to inadequate lighting in the toilet area) I replied in kind.

3. I was not tipsy. Many of your guests had collapsed by early evening and the guest who claimed to be a personal friend of Lionel Blair was spiking the drinks with vodka.

I know that you have made remarks to others that my act is a front for groping people. This is not true! My magic does have a physical comedy element, but that unfortunate incident with Paul was an accident! I lost my footing - due to spilled drinks on the floor - and in the tangle ended up with my face in his lap. These things happen in show business. I am happily married and I am a respected member of my community.

Thank you.

Rodney de Cartier- Chopard

Markie said on Mon, 4 Jan 2016 at 13:15...

This guy used to do gigs as Van Cleef and The Apples. It was him (then calling himself Roderick Hermes Van Cleef) and his sisters...both known in pubs around Southampton for the wrong reasons. He used to play a banjo with a small dog....he claimed the dog could play the drums, it didn't.

Rodney said on Sat, 9 Jan 2016 at 18:08...

Please delete my name from this thread.

The musical ensemble to which "Markie" (real name Mark) refers is called Van Cleef and The Aardappels. The two ladies are not my sisters, they are Belgian and used to run the Groot Tieten waffle stand. The dog referred to is my aunts terrier -- and he is able to operate a foot drum. It is true that sometimes he does not comply, and we have apologized if this is the case at certain of our performances. Mark has previously taunted the dog and reaped the inevitable consequence of his actions.

Van Cleef and The Aardappels will be performing at The Jumping Jack Festival this May. We look forward to seeing our many fans then. A CD is planned for Christmas 2016 featuring many old favorites and some new songs too.

Thank you

Rodney

Oz said on Fri, 11 Mar 2016 at 15:03...

Perhaps you remember your "Aristotle Onassis Nuts - Greek Nuts are Bigger" advertising campaign, Rodney? Claiming to have worldwide exclusive distribution rights for Greek walnuts you created that huge spend advertising scheme. Until it transpired you met some guy who grew walnuts on his farm during your holiday in Corfu AND were threatened with legal action by the Onasis family. You are not known as Captain Disaster for nothing!!!

Gin N Tunic said on Thu, 28 Apr 2016 at 14:03...

Wedding planners beware Rodney is now t/a Keith de Monte Carlo and the Freerangers. The latter are the two rather large Belgian ladies referenced above.

Margaret Anne said on Tue, 2 Jan 2018 at 22:30...

Oh that Rodney! I wish I had read this thread before. We had an entertainer called Kevin de Mont Blanc at our wedding. He made a joke about Liberace and a hamster which caused great offense. He swears a lot and winks at people. Horrid.

Rodney said on Wed, 7 Feb 2018 at 17:03...

Thank you, Margaret, Anne. As I recall the language at the reception was rather "blue" and I tailored my material accordingly. I am aware that the Liberace joke was not received well!! An altercation ensued outside during a smoke break (which is now sub judice). I did not know that your daughter had a hamster, and I do not believe she suffered "psychological trauma", as your counter-suit claims.